*COMMON CORE ALIGNED!
*MEETS THE REQUIREMENTS OF COMMON CORE!
*UNCOMMONLY MEETS THE COMMON NEEDS OF COMMON CORE WITHOUT BEING COMMON!

Have we commoners in education ever been so collectively deluged with propaganda like this before? Am I the only one who’s already sick of the empty proclamations about so many of these “new and innovative literacy products” which are hitting the market or about to hit the market? Anyone else out there starting to get the sense that educational publishers have collectively lost their common (core) mind?

Okay, so maybe it’s a stretch to presume that many of them had a mind once upon a time in the first place (i.e. see the textbook industry for more information on that subject). But still, ENOUGH ALREADY! Claiming that you are “Common Core aligned” doesn’t mean diddley squat. How about some mention of why you are awesome, great, unique, effective, critical, beneficial, or so on? I mean, nobody markets tomatoes by proclaiming “And we’re FDA approved as edible!”

Time to get off the large fonts in bold face type declaring on your covers like a treasure hunter who’s just found King Tutankhamen’s hidden achievement tomb that “We are Common Core aligned.” If you do a Google search, you’ll discover that “Big whoop, so’s my Aunt Sally’s lesson plan which she just posted free on her blog.”

I guess the only thing driving me more crazy than the publishers perpetually insisting “We’re Common Core aligned” are the people in the world of education who are constantly scrutinizing materials, asking, with pensive, wrinkled foreheads, “Hmm, so is this Common Core aligned?”

Um, hello… we need inquisitions about quality! We need investigations into efficacy! We need people to stand up and demand educational excellence in the materials being offered to our nation’s students and teachers. If the only gatekeeper to curricular adoption is the criminally low bar of “We’re Common Core aligned,” then folks, turn out the lights and break out the moonshine, ’cause we’re all cooked.

Now, I understand that our politicians are simple people who need simple terms to express their simpleton-like ideas. However, where the rubber meets the road of schooling, I also know that there are a lot of folks who have some very keen bowls of grey matter resting on their shoulders. This means we need to elevate the dialogue and demand more. Remember, one of the great fears about Common Core by many was that as a result of its adoption American education would be reduced to a “lowest common denominator, make all the kids into standardized widgets” type of experience for our children.

Personally, I am a fan of the Common Core standards—I’ve said so many times—but people, please. The way most publishers are peddling their goods these days has me fearful that school is going to devolve into something that resembles the high standards maintained by network television in the late 1980s.

In a “grab as many customers as you can” gold rush, I really do wish we’d see someone step to the plate, recognizing that what we all really want is a thoughtful concerto of sophisticated, superior, intelligent, and exceptional academic opportunities spread at our intellectual banquet table. Not Common Core army chow .

[The views and opinions expressed in this blog post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the International Reading Association or its Board of Directors.]

Alan Sitomer was named California's 2007 Teacher of the Year. In addition to being an inner-city high school English teacher and former professor in the Graduate School of Education at Loyola Marymount University, Alan is a nationally renowned speaker specializing in engaging reluctant readers who received the 2004 award for Classroom Excellence from the Southern California Teachers of English, the 2003 Teacher of the Year honor from California Literacy, the 2007 Educator of the Year award by Loyola Marymount University and the 2008 Innovative Educator of the Year from The Insight Education Group. He’s the author of six young adult novels, three children's picture books, two teacher methodology books, and a classroom curriculum series for secondary English Language Arts instruction called THE ALAN SITOMER BOOK JAM. A Fun Look at Our Serious Work appears quarterly on the Engage/Teacher to Teacher blog.

Have you ever met Dave Barry? Yes, THAT Dave Barry, the Pulitzer Prize winning columnist, author, comedian, and modern-day Will Rogers? Well, neither had I.

Until IRA.

And what a disaster.

Picture this. IRA’s Annual Convention is in San Antonio and I am a first time attendee. But not just a first time attendee; I’m a first time author. My very first novel had just been published, THE HOOPSTER, and I’d been invited as a guest of Disney Publishing to speak on a panel, sign books, and generally get introduced to the reading world at large wearing my brand new hat of YA author.

Cool, huh?

If you are familiar with San Antonio, you know that one of its hot spots is The Riverwalk. Basically, there’s a river and there’s a sidewalk around the river and someone in the city’s marketing department decided to name it The Riverwalk. Of course then, in the spirit of capitalism and exploiting tourists, they put a bunch of restaurants and bars around the thing and made it a “must visit” destination if you are ever in “The Tone.” (Okay, I just made that name up, but it sounds kinda cool, no?)

Actually, I’m joshin’ … The Riverwalk’s kinda cool. Especially if your new publisher hires a dinner boat, puts you on it, and seats you right next to Dave Barry for a fancy-schmancy banquet of epicurean delights as you cruise the high seas of people-watching pedestrians as they walk beside the river and overpay for margaritas and guacamole.

I think there were 12 of us on this vessel. In addition to Dave Barry, we had Ridley Pearson, another author extraordinaire, and all kinds of very high-ranking publishing executives from the world of Disney/Hyperion.

I wore a sport coat. All of us did. Like I said, it was fancy-schmancy.

To my way of thinking, my maiden voyage as an officially published author was getting off to one heck of a metaphorically apropos start, being that we were literally “on the water,” and my career was “setting sail” and all. Basically, I was over the moon. This was the big time. I’d arrived. Years of dreaming about becoming a “published author” were being realized. Let there be wine, right?

And wine there was. The nauti-waiter (nautical waiter) poured a nice red for all of us. One of those deep reds, too, the kind that came from a splendiferous estate where fat, bearded men ambled through their vineyards with walking sticks.

“A toast,” one of the execs cried out. After all, Dave and Ridley were sitting on the New York Times bestsellers list for their new book PETER AND THE STARCATCHERS, IRA was destined to be a magnificent affair, and The Tone was roarin’ like a 1920s outdoor speakeasy.

We all reached for our glasses. Unfortunately, however, one the book editors sitting across the table accidentally knocked hers over.

And totally drenched Dave Barry.

This wasn’t one of those “little spills” either. This was one of those “your tan colored sport coat, white shirt and beige slacks were just drenched to the hilt with a bold cabernet sauvignon and, since the boat departed the dock just eight minutes ago, you’re going to be stuck at sea in soaking wet clothing for the next two hours without a chance in hell of even one piece of your attire being saved from absolute ruin by this, the Stain of All Stains.”

Mortification struck. The whole boat froze. Slowly, eyes turned, a burn in the gaze of all the top brass, only one thought on their collective minds for the female member of their team who had made this tragic gaffe.

“You couldn’t spill it on the freakin’ new guy?”

I recoiled. International Celebrity, Pulitzer Prize winner, Library of Congress Hall of Fame nominee doused. Me? Totally bone dry. The math just didn’t add up. In truth, I felt like pouring a bottle of red wine over my own head just so I could handle the guilt and shame of not having been the victim. It should have been me who took the bath. Everyone on the boat knew it should have been me.

But Dave, such an unflappable gentleman and nice guy extraordinaire cracked a joke about how “if I knew you were gonna take me swimming, I would have worn a bathing suit,” and off we sailed to a dinner which was not ruined (very much unlike Dave Barry’s clothing).

Classy guy, top to bottom.

Of course, the next day at IRA was my book signing. My first book signing for Disney. Ever. I’d seen the lines for Dave and Ridley earlier that day. I’d seen how Avi had people snaked around the building waiting for his Avi Hancock. I made sure to bring two pens in case one ran dry, and did a series of hand-stretching exercises preparing to meet the forthcoming challenge.

It was the loneliest hour of my life.

And the loneliest hour of my life was made only more miserable by the fact that they weren’t even charging for my book—they were giving THE HOOPSTER away for free!

Sadness gave way to despair when my first “customer” (if I can even call her that) came up. She picked up my book and I smiled with the glow of ten-thousand watts. She read the back cover and I reached for my pen. For sure a signing, right?

“Ehh,” she said, setting the book back down. “Nah.”

And then she walked off.

THE HOOPSTER wasn’t even good enough for her to take as an autographed freebie? My career was a sham… and it was ending before it had even gotten out of the gate. Riverwalk Margaritas and I were about to share a long night together.

Of course the wonderful folks at Disney tried to cheer me up. “Don’t worry, you’re new. One day, you’ll have lines, too.”

I didn’t believe them at the time, even though later that night I did sign a few books at a publisher’s dinner. But ya know what? That prognostication came true. Now, people do wait in lines for me to sign their books. And they even pay for my books, too.

Just incredible. But that first IRA, it taught me to keep the faith.

And every aspect about my career since has proven that there are scores of readers out there who need us. They need the writers, they need the teachers who play match-maker between kids and books, they need the media-specialists who are so tragically under fiscal assault in this day and age, and they need the book publishing peeps who work so hard to bring the printed word to the page (and e-page, as the case may be).

Yep, times are certainly changing in the world of books. But one constant remains: kids need books to build their brains, and I am not sure if there is a better place to learn more about how to tackle this task than IRA Annual. Fact is, I am sad that I won’t be able to make it to Chicago this year. (It’s for good reason, though. My wife is due to deliver Baby #2 on April 25th, and some things in life ya just can’t miss!)

So spill some wine on a Pulitzer Prize-winning author, if you happen to see one… and have a great conference! Remember, the young’uns need ya.

Alan Sitomer was named California's 2007 Teacher of the Year. In addition to being an inner-city high school English teacher and former professor in the Graduate School of Education at Loyola Marymount University, Alan is a nationally renowned speaker specializing in engaging reluctant readers who received the 2004 award for Classroom Excellence from the Southern California Teachers of English, the 2003 Teacher of the Year honor from California Literacy, the 2007 Educator of the Year award by Loyola Marymount University and the 2008 Innovative Educator of the Year from The Insight Education Group. He’s the author of six young adult novels, three children's picture books, two teacher methodology books, and a classroom curriculum series for secondary English Language Arts instruction called THE ALAN SITOMER BOOK JAM. A Fun Look at Our Serious Work appears quarterly on the Engage/Teacher to Teacher blog.

Become long enough in the tooth as an educator and you’ll realize that with the dawn of each new calendar year also comes the DONAROBA (Dawn of a New Round of Buzzwords and Acronyms) in the world of reading, writing, literacy, and schools.

It’s a COS (Confection of Scholarship) concocted by BBs (Bureaucratic Buffoons) about which you better not GCWYPD (Get Caught with Your Pants Down).

Luckily, my EIDE (Experience in Dissecting Edu-babble) can help guide you through the upcoming MOH (Morass of “Huhs?”) many readers of this quarterly column will surely face over the course of the next 12 months.

And so, without further ado, here’s a heads-up on the 2012 POO (Pipeline of Obfuscation).

Without a doubt we’ll all be in P4C-Core (Preparing for Common Core) mode. Unless you live in an NFM4UH (No Federal Money for You, Honey) state because Common Core is not on your DSDOE’s (Dysfunctional State Department of Education’s) to-do list. And while the BOSTs (Bashers of Standardized Testing) will be out in full force, the DOA’s (Defenders of Accountability) will be right there to meet them head on. Indeed, the bloody street fight pitting teacher versus teacher, administrator versus teacher, politician versus teacher and parent versus teacher will—sad to report—continue.

Unfortunately, this arms race is not contained to any one, single battlefield—it will be a time of war on many fronts. We’ll have the BUTULs (Break up the Union Loons) versus the PTUAACL (Preserve the Union at Any Cost Loons), we’ll have the AOBCSTTNROTC (Advocates of Blindly Chartering Schools Though They’re Really Not Outperforming Their Counterparts) lobby versus the QSOADAGETWDKS (Quit Stealing Our Average Daily Attendance Gripers Even Though We Do Kinda Stink) lobby, and of course, we’ll see the CEBM (Corporate Education Billionaire’s Mafia) take on any and all comers who dare to question their insight, ability or motives.

Indeed, each of these clashes will go toe-to-toe on television, on the Internet, and on Capitol Hill during the first eleven months of 2012. And why only eleven months? Well, it’s an EY (Election Year), which means that the CPWPAL (Cartoonish Politicians Who Pander and Lie) will be out in full force telling you anything they think you want to hear in order to secure your vote. Come December ‘12, they’ll all be back to their tone-deaf agendas.

Not to spoil your New Year’s diet plans, but since I come from the philosophical school of SPESDSS (Sugar Provides Emotional Solace During Stressful Situations), I suggest you plan on packing a few extra jelly doughnuts in your lunchbox this year. The kind with the GGO (Good Gooey Ooze) injected into them. When the seas of schooling get rough in the months ahead, you’ll thank me in spades.

Of course, the world of literacy instruction won’t be spared from all the tumult. The WGTNMFFF (We Gotta Teach New Media, Forward, Forward, Forward) progressives will launch lots of grenades at the ITCOTLNJTTTMETIDNRKHTUTTM (It’s the Content of the Lesson, Not Just the Technology, That Matters...Even Though I Do Not Really Know How to Use the Technology Myself) crowd. And though I do not consider myself to be all that prescient, I do believe this one is a battle that will most likely last for at least another decade.

The DOCs (Defenders of the Canon) will stand nose-to-nose with the AOYAL (Advocates of YA Literature). The EO (English Only) faction will knock heads with the BI (Bilingual Instruction) believers. And the WMDAWCTROTS (We Must Do Anything We Can to Raise Our Test Scores) crowd, well...who won’t they fight?

But curiously, there will be “shades-of-grey” skirmishes as well, such as when the fearful PEFOTOEWALOJs (Prepare ’Em for the Test or We’ll All Lose Our Jobs!) employees find themselves in conflict with LIAMTJTBT (Life is About More than Just the Bubble Tests) workers. Interestingly, this is will be a quarrel where members of each sideline find themselves opposing yet simultaneously sympathizing with their counterparts on the opposite sideline—a real head-scratcher indeed.

So what more can you do beyond arming yourself with jelly doughnuts to make sure your PFTQ (Preparation for this Quagmire) is where it needs to be as the calendar year turns?

To that I say, think MBAS (Mind, Body and Spirit).

To fortify your mind, think like a child.
To nourish your body, I recommend green apples.
And when it comes to your spirit, well...has any teacher ever really gone wrong watching this?

Alphabet soup has long since absconded with literacy education, public schooling and cogent administration. Therefore, in 2012, you might as well just EMOTS (Expect More of the Same) because you know soon enough someone is gonna PALOHMROOTBACIONP (Pull Another Load of Horse Manure Right Out of Their Butt and Call it Our New Policy).

Alan Sitomer was named California's 2007 Teacher of the Year. In addition to being an inner-city high school English teacher and former professor in the Graduate School of Education at Loyola Marymount University, Alan is a nationally renowned speaker specializing in engaging reluctant readers who received the 2004 award for Classroom Excellence from the Southern California Teachers of English, the 2003 Teacher of the Year honor from California Literacy, the 2007 Educator of the Year award by Loyola Marymount University and the 2008 Innovative Educator of the Year from The Insight Education Group. He’s the author of six young adult novels, three children's picture books, two teacher methodology books, and a classroom curriculum series for secondary English Language Arts instruction called THE ALAN SITOMER BOOK JAM. A Fun Look at Our Serious Work will appear quarterly on the Engage/Teacher to Teacher blog.